A marriage counseling session is improv: the plot is developed by the characters in real time. Note that the only skill the therapist needs is curiosity.

Chris: We think our lack of communication is ruining our marriage.
T: {to Stacy} You agree? Does Chris speak for both of you?
Stacy: Um, I guess so.
T: Why are you guessing?
Stacy: Well, Chris thinks so.
T: And Chris may be right but maybe not?
Stacy: Sorta
T: {to Chris} Can you be more specific how a lack of communication is ruining your marriage?
Chris: We don’t talk enough.
T: Is there something specific you think you should be talking about that you don’t talk about?
Chris: Lots of stuff.
T: Can you give me an example?
Chris: Stacy gets taken advantage of at work!
T: How so?
Chris: Everyone at work likes Stacy so much, and why not? Stacy helps others when they run into problems and never asks for anything in return. But Stacy gets passed over for promotions.
T: So everyone likes Stacy so much, but Stacy’s boss doesn’t or doesn’t think Stacy’s work rates promotions?
Chris: Stacy doesn’t even apply for promotions!
T: Oh. Not applying is different from being passed over, isn’t it?
Chris: So, why doesn’t Stacy apply?
T: You’re asking me?
Chris: I’m just exasperated. I’m asking the universe.
T: Why are you asking the universe? Stacy is right here.
Chris: {to Stacy} Why don’t you apply?
Stacy: We’ve been over this a million times. You know why.
T: {raises hand} Do I get to know?
Stacy: {exasperated} Because I don’t want to. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I don’t want that to change.
T: {to Chris} Oooh, you want Stacy to get a promotion because it would bring in more money to your household?
Chris: That’s one reason, but it’s not so much about the money. We don’t really need it. I make three times what Stacy makes, and we’re definitely not hurting. Maybe, after a tax hike, it wouldn’t make much difference.
T: {to both} Then what’s this all about?
Chris: I think Stacy should get fair value for Stacy’s work. If nothing else, it would be good for Stacy’s self esteem.

T: {thinking}
T: Let’s hold off on that for now.
T: {to both} You’ve been married for… {checks the intake form}
Chris and Stacy: Seven years.
T: Who wants to tell me how you met?
Stacy: A friend of a friend introduced us.
T: And how did the budding romance happen?
Chris: I had been doing the dating apps thing and was tired of it. I was getting to the point where I wanted to settle down, but with only the right person.
T: What was wrong with the dating apps thing?
Chris: The dating apps matched interests and preferences, but that didn’t translate to I want to be with this person. It was more, this could be a good friend, if that’s what I was looking for. I had enough friends. I was discouraged, I guess.
Stacy: I had just gone a long time between having more than a date or two with the same person. Just didn’t find anyone who I clicked with, until Chris, that is.
T: You clicked because?
Stacy: It was just comfortable. I could be myself.
Chris: Yeah, same.
T: When did you learn that Stacy made a third of what you made?
Chris: It became obvious, early on. Stacy didn’t want to go to fancy restaurants and lived a more modest lifestyle than I did, in general.
T: Did that bother you then?
Chris: I was so happy to be with someone like Stacy, I didn’t give it a thought. And, as I said, if we were going to be together, I make plenty of money.
T: You hadn’t met anyone before who you thought a lot of and also made a lot of money?
Chris: Yeah, but there were other issues. They weren’t interested in a life mate at the time, or maybe I didn’t find them attractive. It’s not easy to find a life partner fit.
T: {joking} Some find it easy enough that they find a life partner multiple times. {no one laughs} I was joking in my way of agreeing with you.
{as the joke hits them, both Chris and Stacy smile} So, if I understand you, Stacy was your first or best potential life partner. Do you see that differently, now?
Chris: God no!
T: How would you explain your current dissatisfaction of what brought you to see a marraige counselor?
Chris: I don’t want Stacy to change. I just want Stacy to value what Stacy contributes at work and be promoted.
T: And you don’t see that as Stacy changing?
{quiet}
T: Can you explain in more detail what you fell for in Stacy?
Chris: Stacy was … is just kinder, more thoughtful, and more fun, than anyone else I’ve met. Stacy’s got a bunch of friends who adore Stacy, and I can see why. Stacy is good with kids—I hope we’ll have kids eventually—and is just a great person.
T: Why do you think Stacy doesn’t apply for promotions?
Chris: I think Stacy’s afraid of being turned down—doesn’t want to put Stacy’s accomplishments on the line for potential criticism.
T: And you’ve asked Stacy, and this is what Stacy tells you?
Chris: Stacy just shrugs and says, “I dunno, I guess I like my job.”
T: And you don’t believe Stacy? Why don’t you ask Stacy right now.
Chris: Why don’t you apply for promotions?
Stacy: {quiet for a couple of minutes}
T: What’s keeping you from answering?
Stacy: Chris will think it’s dumb.
T: What makes you think that?
Stacy: Because maybe it is. I dunno. I tell Chris, I like my job, and that doesn’t seem to mean anything to Chris.
T: Maybe if you elaborated.
Stacy: I like the work I do. I like the people I work with. I like my boss, who gives me complete latitude. I like the office building, the coffee vendor down below, the exercise club next door. If I was promoted, I have no idea where I’d have to work, who my boss would be, who my co-workers would be. I would have more responsibility, but not the kind of responsibility that I’d like, which is working independently. I don’t want to supervise subordinates. I’d bring in a little more money, but after the effect on our taxes, it wouldn’t be much more, and as Chris says, we don’t really need it. So if I applied for a promotion merely to satisfy my ego, and got a position I liked a whole lot less, how would that better my life. And if I made my life worse to satisfy Chris, I’d probably be resentful, and how would that make our marriage better?
{quiet} Chris: I don’t know what I was thinking. I assumed that what I would like for my career would be what you would like for yours. Obviously, that’s not true.
T: And Stacy would be a different person if Stacy got a job Stacy didn’t want. And you may not like that new version as much as the old version.
Chris: {thoughtful} Probably not.

People aren’t fixer-uppers. Be wary of going into a relationship that you believe will be just one change away in your mate that will make the relationship work. You probably won’t be successful in facilitating that change, or if you are, your mate won’t be the same in all the ways you liked beforehand.